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You’ve signed your child up for music lessons. Great job! The benefits of learning music for children are widely known and you’ve done a wonderful thing for your kids! Now you can sit back, let their new teacher take over, and be glad your child is getting a music education and will love playing their new instrument.
Wait! Not so fast! Your child still needs you. Without your help and involvement in their music lessons and practice there is a very high likelihood your child will not learn to love music, but will instead become frustrated and eventually quit.
I’ve taught so many students over the years where this happened. We started out excited to learn, but slowly the learning slowed, the joy started to ebb from the lessons, and eventually the student quit. You wouldn’t sign your child up for soccer, and then never take them to their games. You certainly wouldn’t ask them to do their soccer practices alone in the basement! That’s crazy! Of course you wouldn’t. You obviously want your child to succeed, that’s why you signed them up for lessons, but music lessons are different than other activities – there are no teams, group practices, or games with an audience of cheering fans. Let’s fix that. Let’s learn how you can support your child in their music lessons, and even learn music along with them. No prior knowledge needed!
I know you’re busy. Maybe too busy to do some of these things, and that’s okay. Here is a great article about just that by Elissa Milne, who is both a parent and music teacher.
Do I need musical knowledge?
No, you don’t. Really. That’s why your child has a teacher. You can support your child in their lessons even if you’ve never had a musical bone in your body. You might just find yourself starting to develop one though!
I don’t have time!
I get it. You’re busy. It would be great if you could be there constantly with your child, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day. You have other kids too. And laundry to do. And dinner to make. That’s okay. Some of these ideas can be done from the kitchen while you’re making dinner. It’s okay to listen and yell from the kitchen. In fact, it’s great.
How long should my child practice every day?
This is a tricky question. Quality and consistency are much more important than the length of time. Your child’s age is also a big factor. My general recomendation is 5-10 minutes for preschool and kindergartners 5 days a week, just to get in the habit of music being a regular part of their day. This can be increased to 15 minutes, then 30 for older beginners. Your child’s teacher will likely also have suggestions!
Just remember, consistency is key. 5 minutes every single day trumps an hour long marathon the night before a lesson every time.
Most important tip
Be interested and enthusiastic! Tell your child how much you love the music they are playing, and how wonderful they are! You know they’re wonderful, but they might not, so be sure to tell them. Be the cheering audience at the soccer game for them. Even if they are just playing a song with 2 notes. That’s okay, it’s still super exciting! Excitement is contagious. As a child, they learn what is exciting from watching you, and they need lots of outside motivation. And that’s alright. The intrinsic love of practicing for the sake of the music will come later.
Think about it this way. You decide to take up jogging. You can’t run more than half a block. Will you be motivated by the sheer joy of running to get out and do your daily workout? Of course not. You need some outside motivation. You need a friend cheering you on, checking in on you, or even going with you. One day, you will be in shape and run for the sheer joy of it. But now? It’s hard! Be that cheering section for your child. Learning to play a musical instrument is hard! And that’s okay. The hardness of it is where a lot of the benefits come from.
How to help
Some of these ideas might seem obvious, but they really are so important. Music lessons are expensive, but so valuable for kids. Treat them as such. There are some weeks these things won’t be possible. That’s okay, life happens. So keep doing the most important thing – telling your child how much you love hearing them play. Even if you’re yelling it from the kitchen.
Take your child to their lessons
This is one of the obvious ones. But it really is essential. Lessons are where your child can learn something new, and where they hear from someone other than you that they are doing great! Do your best to get them to their lessons. Don’t cancel for things that aren’t absolutely unavoidable. Their lesson is more important than a movie, for example. If you can’t get them there, ask someone else to take them.
Establish clear expectations
Help your child decide on a routine and establish clear expectations before beginning lessons. A clear and consistent schedule eliminates a lot of the struggle related to daily practice. Just like when you know you will get up, brush your teeth, and go to school, you usually don’t argue. It’s just the regular routine. Of course, it takes time to develop any new routine.
Before your child starts their music lessons, talk to them about how they will have to practice regularly. Help them choose a time for that practice, and schedule it. Maybe music time is before school, as soon as they get home, or right after dinner. But make it always the same. This relieves a lot of stress for your child. Practice is expected, not a surprise that sneaks up and grabs them away from something else they were having fun doing.
Sit with your child, or listen while they practice
Music lessons don’t come with a team of friends to practice with. This makes them lonely sometimes, especially for younger kids. Please don’t put your child’s instrument in a dark corner of the basement they are scared of and ask them to practice there alone. I know that sounds silly, but you’d be surprised how often it happens!
If your child is under the age or 8 or so, you absolutely should sit with them for a few minutes every day while they practice. They just aren’t old enough to structure their time and practice effectively without you. For older kids, definitely still sit with them if you have time. If you don’t, no worries, even a couple minutes here and there where you pop in while they practice helps.
If you’re not there, yell from the kitchen while they are playing. Tell them afterwards how much you enjoyed what they played. Ask them what song that was, and say you’d love to hear it again! The point isn’t to teach them or tell them they are right or wrong, but just to keep music practice from becoming lonely and something to be dreaded. Maybe call up Grandma, and have them play a favorite piece for her over the phone!
Ask them to teach you something
Teaching is an excellent way of learning. Kids LOVE knowing something their parents don’t! So ask your child to teach you to play one of their pieces. They’ll think this is the cat’s pajamas! And they’ll be learning as much, if not more, than if they spent that time playing the song themselves.
Practice charts/routines
For many children just starting music lessons, having a practice or routine chart is very helpful. Most children do well with predictability. You’ve likely seen these charts with days or tasks listed, and space for a sticker upon completion. If you like, you can have a reward (go out for an ice cream cone maybe) when the chart is full. Intrinsic motivation comes as children get older and are able to play more complex music. There is nothing wrong with extrinsic rewards and motivation when learning something new. It’s similar to how we might reward ourselves if we work out every day for a week. We know we want to improve at something, but often an outside reward to look forward to makes it much easier!
Ask them to play something they learned a long time ago
Ask your child to play something you loved that they learned a long time ago. This is a great self-esteem boost. Pick an old favorite song (something quite a ways back), and ask them to play it. Talk about how hard this used to be, and how easy it is now. Let your child see how much they have learned and how things get easier as they progress. Sometimes we are stuck in a cycle of only learning the next hardest thing, and kids don’t realize that in fact music isn’t just getting harder, it’s also getting easier! Give your child a self-esteem boost!
Practice games
If you have a young child, or one who tends to argue about practice, playing ‘practice games’ with them can be great. If you have a middle school aged child, I highly recommend Philip Johnston’s book Not Until You’ve Done Your Practice. It’s a laugh out loud overview of how and why your child should practice. There are also some great suggestions on how to gamify practice if they are practicing by themselves.
Many practice games for younger kids do require your active participation, but can take kids from outright refusal to suddenly practicing while laughing and having fun! So give these a try. Honestly, even if your child doesn’t complain about practicing. Everyone needs a bit of fun here and there!
Here are some great practice game ideas:
- Tic-Tac-Toe for music practice
- Music practice board game – See this article for more info and the free printable practice game to use with your kids!
- Deck of cards game – This is good for middle school and older kids, especially if they have a sibling to play with. You may have encountered this as a workout activity before. To play, assign a task to each suit. For example, the C Major scale, or the tricky measure of this piece, and take turns choosing a card. You can choose a different task for each player, and thus include non-musical family members too. Take out the face cards unless you’re in for a long challenge! Take turns choosing a card, and perform the task for the given suit the number of times the card says. Get one point for each repetition correct. Whoever has the most points when the cards are gone wins.
Make music an important part of your lives
Give importance to listening to music, especially kind your child plays. They might not be able to play the top hits from the radio yet, or they might really enjoy playing classical music or folk songs. Whatever it is they are playing, be sure your child knows that they are playing ‘good’ music.
Attend all their events, whether this is a Christmas party, a music recital or a festival or competition. These are the ‘soccer games’ of the music world. You wouldn’t skip your child’s year end soccer tournament, they would be SO disappointed, so make the same effort with their music events. They’ve worked super hard, and now is their chance to show off and get recognition. It’s also their chance to see their friends and other children playing music. This also helps to relieve the loneliness that music practice sometimes has. Sports have a lot more of this social aspect, which is one reason many children prefer them.
Parents are sometimes not sure what is appropriate at these events, but I really encourage you to clap and cheer for your kids’ performances. Make a fuss just like you would at a sports game. Most teachers won’t mind, and your kids will love you for it!
Talk to their teacher
Your child’s teacher sees them every week, and is your best resource for tips on how to support your child in specific. If you’re not sure what your child should practice, or if your child has a specific struggle, just ask. Your child’s teacher likely has the answer!
Let them play music they enjoy
Try not to enforce your goals on your kids. Perhaps they will not flourish taking yearly music examinations and they hate Mozart. Or perhaps they love Mozart and you prefer pop music. This is okay, and supporting their music lessons means supporting learning in a direction they enjoy. Learning is learning, and while there are a lot of very valuable arguments for any style of music and method of learning, the best choice is usually the one your child takes to naturally and enjoys. That is what will give them a love for music, and keep them playing throughout their whole life.
How to support your child in music lessons
- Be enthusiastic and involved. Don’t let your kids be completely on their own. Tell them how wonderful they are and how much you love hearing them play. This is the number one factor is music lesson success.
- No time or musical knowledge? That’s okay! While some of the activities I suggested do need a bit of your time, others take only a few seconds.
- Click here for more information on practice games, and sign up below for a free printable game to use with your child at home,
- How do you support your child in music lessons? What struggles do you have? Let me know if I can help!
One Response
I teach piano and enjoy using games to help encourage practicing!